First off I'm not a professional or a college educated expert in this field. What I am however is someone who saw things through the eyes of a young boy who terrorized sunday school classrooms because he liked the patterns on the board beneath what was put up, who was teased for years due to a speech impediment after needing tubes in his ears at the age of two, who also beat up kids who teased him, who after already being on Ritalin and Cylert all the way to his sophomore year of high school didn't want anything to do with the tests that may have produced a diagnosis of Aspergers at a much younger age, who was one of the smartest kids in the class but got bad grades because he didn't see the point of doing homework which taught him nothing new. Kids who are on the spectrum whether they are non verbal or are articulate but just aren't comfortable saying what is going on in their heads, they can't always speak and so here I will try to provide some insight into what is happening including subjects that I am not too comfortable talking with my own mom about.
My first piece of advice is one that I said this weekend to all parents I talked to at the US Autism and Aspergers Association conference which is to be patient and to encourage not push. Especially with non verbal kids just because they learn a new word doesn't mean they are ready right away to learn another. Kids naturally mimic, if your son or daughter learns a new word encourage them by saying great job, if they like being hugged give them a hug and tell them that what they just accomplish is a good thing. Let them enjoy using this new word and when they start trying a new word that they heard someone say encourage it, if you are able to figure out the word they are trying to say sit down with him or her and sound it out and encourage the child to get the word right. People on the spectrum naturally withdraw when they feel stressed or pressured, if you push for something new too soon after they just accomplished something the child will feel pressured to do more and more and will withdraw into a state that is more comfortable.
Second is that a support network is essential. Today with the web you could type Autism Support Groups into a search engine and you will soon be talking to parents who know what its like to go through what you are. There are also groups for your child to talk to, don't pry into what you child is saying because like I said below the natural response to stress and pressure is to withdraw. When your child is talking with others who are like them they are likely to be more relaxed and in a safe environment with proper supervision it is a good thing because they could feel safe. If you as the mom or the dad start prying into what they are saying then they will see that the safe zone they had isn't as safe and they would withdraw from the support group and also from the parents. If your child wants to talk to you about the support group let them, see it as your child being trusting enough to let you inside that little safety bubble they have around them.
Third and the last one for now is especially if your child is in grade school bullying hurts. With the recent suicides the world is finally seeing the harmful effects of bulling and even with high functioning forms such as Aspergers bullying does hurt. Unfortunately there is no magic bullet to get rid of bullying or to get rid of the harmful effects that it has on such a young mind. My best advice is to remind your child of what they are good at and encourage him or her to make friends. Have sleep overs let your child have a bunch of friends at his or her birthday parties (always watch for the ones who are only friends for the cool things and would be mean when the cool things end. I haven't dealt with that myself but I hear that it does happen). Also encourage the child to get better at the things they are good at. When they have all these cool things they could do very well it is a lot easier to shrug off the bullies.
Fourth and for real the last one is I have found it to be a vital stress reliever to be near running water. Fortunately where I live I'm always just down the street from a creek where I could just forget that I'm in the middle of town and relax in natures beauty. For those who aren't as lucky I had someone tell me this weekend that they have a fountain for their son who loves how it sounds. I can't really explain it but the sound has a soothing effect that takes the mind off of the hustle and bustle of every day life and I was told that you don't have to be Autistic to get that effect.
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